i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
