I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
