I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
