DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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