Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
