She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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