nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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