i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
