My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
