whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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