yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
