I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
