Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
