Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
