we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
