Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i drank out of a bidet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
