I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
