Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
