remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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