goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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