He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
