I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
