so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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