took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
