This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
