Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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