Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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