Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
