dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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