I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
