How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sober January is a disaster.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Alive.
So much puke
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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