She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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