Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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