New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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