she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
