Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
