My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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