guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
