i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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