Do you still have your period?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there was a trapeze. enough said
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
