Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
