When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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