How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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