so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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