he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
