Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
