never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
