he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
