i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
