if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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