You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
