apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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