escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
