I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
