You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
