her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
