hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
