When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
