The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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