Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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