We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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