Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
