I think i peed on brittanys purse
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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