yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
