dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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