so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
