"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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