so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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