I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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